The Meandering Mind of a Christian Woman

It’s New Year’s Eve, the day we reflect on what has been and anticipate what is to come. The New Year offers the promise of a fresh start, a new beginning and other untold adventures. What are your hopes and dreams for 2013? Are they the same as your hopes were a year ago? Did you fulfill any of your resolutions for 2012? We don’t really need a specific day to reflect and resolve though. Every day we wake up on this side of the dirt is a new beginning, a new opportunity to create new adventures and do good things. Every day, we choose to live as children of the light (or not). Ephesians 22:24 “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” The part of that verse that really speaks to me is “ To be made new in the attitude of your minds ” I don’t know about yo...

            There is a vision that has been playing over and over in my mind lately, it is a scene from a movie, perhaps you’ve seen it. It is from “Titanic” after the ship goes down, it is dark, cold and eerily quiet as so many of the victims have frozen to death and the character, Rose, makes the decision to live and begins to move through the sea of dead bodies and ice cold water. I have seen this movie more than a few times (although not lately) and I don’t typically revisit a scene on a mental level yet, this particular scene has been on a loop in my head for a couple weeks now.             I have pondered it and question why. Initially, I thought perhaps I was surrounding myself with dead (spiritually) bodies and I need to break free from them so I don’t get pulled under as well. But as I wrote the previous paragraph it occurs to me that the key phrase is that one m...

            It is that time of year when we all take a look backwards and reflect on the year we have had. My initial response is to wave good bye to 2012 and slam the door so it can’t follow me. Let’s just say it has been a rather challenging year.             However, when I look at all the perceived negative events of the year they are more than laced with God’s blessings to get me through. Maybe you have heard the saying “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle; I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.” There have been several times this year when I questioned God’s opinion of my strength. Yet, how often do I question his strength? Revelation time:   It isn’t my strength, without him I have no strength whatsoever. God daily provides me with strength.             I’m pretty confident that if I shared all ...

I, like so many others, have been attempting to make sense of the shooting in Connecticut yesterday. There is no sense, 27 people, most of them young children, whose lives were cut short. It does bring to mind the bible verse that states, no man knows the hour or the day God will call him home (paraphrased). Life is indeed precious. Unfortunately, it is a lesson we need to relearn, again and again.   The irony of this is, with the holiday season upon us (Christmas or Hanukah or Kwanza) we will still hear the harsh comments people make about the fact they “have to” spend time with family. Everyone has the family member or friend that can push her buttons, be thankful for the button pushers in your life, they won’t be here forever. They also (hopefully) teach us patience and diplomacy. Be thankful for everyone in your life and let them know you appreciate them. We need to build and rebuild the human spirit on a regular basis. This world and Satan seek to keep us beaten down an...

            I wonder how many people live with the same delusions I do? I believe myself to be a peaceful, peace loving person. I do not intentionally make enemies or try to get under someone’s skin and irritate him or her. I do my best to avoid gossip and slanderous talk. The key words there are “intentionally” and “my best”, meaning, I fail and far more often than I want to think.   I am reminded of Isaiah 64:6 “All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sin sweeps us away.” I have discovered myself recently not speaking well of another and I find when I speak of certain people, an anger rises within me. This tells me, I do have enemies, I am not so peace loving. I am not loving at all. I am ashamed of myself. What a blessing it is to know that forgiveness is mine for the asking.      ...

            I was once told that in order to achieve anything, no matter how big, one needs to do at least one thing, no matter how small, to work toward that goal. I get it, any movement in the direction one is going is still forward movement. What someone forgot to tell me is, how to prevent the backward or sideways movements. I have been contemplating these thoughts today and have come to the conclusion that it is not that I am lacking in steps, I am lacking in focus. What is it I hope to accomplish in this life? Making it out alive? Never happen.             The theme of the message for Don’s memorial service was to focus on the unseen (aka, eternity). Then in church this morning, I received that message again, Jesus will return and we need to watch and be ready. This life on earth is a temporary condition but the fact remains, this is where I am right now and I reall...

            The turkey has been reduced to leftovers, the extended family has made their way back to their own dwelling and Thanksgiving Day is behind us once again. That means I can play my Christmas music without shame (been playing it since August) and I have begun the process of decorating my home. Even though my life has not been going the way I’d like it to go this year, the advent season puts a spring in my step and a smile on my face. Yet, every which way I turn; I am greeted with sounds of disgust regarding the approach of Christmas from non-believer and believer alike.             This state of affairs truly demonstrates how easily we can miss the joy of Christianity as it gets camouflaged by worldly objects and concerns. Focus on the nativity rather than the native shopper. Let the light of the star over Bethlehem be in your heart and mind rather than the flash...

            I am really not good with rejection of any sort. Rejection bruises the ego, whether it is being rejected by a person, a job application, a credit card application, okay, any application, rejection stings. I will usually attempt to rationalize or make myself feel better with a quip like, “It’s their loss.” Yet, below the surface I am licking my imaginary wounds. I may even be hoping for some karma to come back and bite the offender somehow. (I’m using karma for lack of a better word.)             I do believe (even know) that God uses these circumstances to shape us into the vessels he wants us to become. There is comfort in knowing that.   I mentioned in my last post that Don was a potter, I watched him throw pots and quite often (especially for the one of a kind pots) he would begin forming a lump of clay only to smash it down again and start over. Well ...

            My husband, Don, knew from a young age what his passion was and he never wavered from his passion. (FYI – it was clay and pottery) I was always a bit envious of him for having that knowledge and direction and frequently told him that he had received a very special blessing. Even now, in my fifties, I am not entirely certain of my “passion”. I know that I enjoy writing, I enjoy being a Mom, and being a nurse, but passion? It occurs to me now; do I “enjoy” being a Christian? Do you? Let’s one up that, are we “passionate” Christians?             What does it look like to be a passionate Christian? If we look at the life of Christ, we see our servant king exemplifying what I think the passionate Christian life looks like. Christ lived a pretty reserved life, grew up in a small town and was generally a quiet guy. He didn’t draw attention to himself and actually dis...

Disappointment is a hard pill to swallow, whether it is in oneself or in a loved one. None of us like to be disappointed. It means that we had a certain expectation that was not met. Life rarely goes the way we anticipate it going which means disappointment is likely a frequent event. When I have these moments (days) of disappointment, it sometimes takes all I can muster to remember that God knew I would be in this moment and it is okay because he has a plan. Matthew 10:29-31 says, “ Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”   This is just one of so many verses in God’s word to remind us of his eternal love for us. I cling to such words when I am low in Spirit, when I need to refuel my spiritual tank I scour my bible to find these reminders. However, if I would keep my spiritual tank filled with the wo...

Headache, stuffy nose, scratchy throat..yep, I’m sick. Have you ever noticed that when you are sick everything in your life is gloomier? I will grant you that it is difficult to be upbeat when you feel like a train wreck. I do, however, challenge you (and me) to not allow illness to change the color of your blessings. There is something about being sick that entices us to crawl into a hole with a blanket and pillow and wallow in our sickliness. Perhaps, if we avoid the hole and appreciate the soft blanket we can shorten the illness? So, I’m counting my blessings today and giving thanks for them, I am thankful for you, my readers, for allowing me to share my random thought processes with you. I am thankful for God who loves me unconditionally (even with a runny, chapped nose and a congestion induced speech impediment). I am thankful for Jesus, my Savior, who died for me while I am still a sinner. I am thankful for my family (shout out to my sister Wendy – Happy Birthday!) and the...

So, I have been watching Oprah’s Life class with Joel Osteen and the theme is that “Whatever words follow ‘I am’ is sure to catch up with you.”   I feel this connects with the previous post on identity.   If your words are I am fat, I am tired, I am worthless and so on, those issues will catch up with you.   This sounds a lot like self-fulfilling prophecy to me but I do believe there is good to be gleaned from it.   What has really spoken to me is the phrase “I am” this is how God introduces himself to his people.   When Moses asks, who shall I say sends me?   God says, Tell them I am sends you.   (paraphrased) Do not get me wrong, I am not saying we are God but we are his children.   What if we mentally put the word “God” in place of “I am”?   We wouldn’t speak ill of God, we would never say God is worthless, would we?   Is it possible that doing this small trick would stop us from speaking poorly about ourselves? You see, G...

I was recently challenged by a message which has been on my mind ever since.   What is my identity?   When I first meet someone, how do I introduce myself?   What is the first thing I want them to know about me?   Moreover, I have discovered I have a shifting identity based upon the person I am meeting.   Even my blog profile demonstrates this; I am a nurse, a writer, a Mom, a widow, a student, a traveler and a Christian woman.   Ultimately, though, I should always find my identity in being a child of God, redeemed, saved and dearly loved. How would I be different, how would my world be different if I maintained that base, regardless of the company I keep?   We all want to be loved or at least liked.   The great news is that we are!   In my loneliness, I often think of what I don’t have (the shoulder to lean on, the hug of a good man, a hand to hold) can I change my thinking?   Can I remember what I do have?   (The love of Ch...

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”   It leads me to wonder, with what is the road to heaven paved, bad intentions?   In a way, it is true. The road to heaven is through the narrow gate that is Jesus Christ and it is through Christ that we have forgiveness for not only the bad intentions but the bad words and deeds as well.   That is not to say we keep on sinning for the sake of his grace. Romans 6:1-2 “What shall we say then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” It speaks volumes to the love of Christ for us. He knows we can’t be perfect (not that we shouldn’t try) and he still provides a way for us through forgiveness. What if we applied the same principle to the way we live and interact with others?   We would give others the benefit of the doubt rather than take offense. We would not judge based on appearances (or at all for that matter). We would take the time to und...

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9   Quite possibly the most difficult words for a Christian to digest.   Especially when one’s life is not going particularly smooth. How do we hold onto that grace when it feels all else is crumbling? My own tactic is to play a retrospective of my life in my head. I can see how God has demonstrated his power in my life through every difficult circumstance. He allows me to be in uncomfortable places and then produces wonderful things from those moments. So, in my rational mind, I know and understand the process of growth through difficult conditions. Yet, with each difficult condition, it appears I need to relearn this very basic concept. Does anyone else feel this way?

Awesome is an overused word…most of the time. I am currently traveling in the area of Sedona, Arizona and I find myself using the word around every corner (or roundabout in Sedona’s case) I have been in awe of God’s handiwork during the 120+ miles I have driven thus far. The steep red cliffs, the sloping mountains with green trees and cacti and even the expanse of country; each one distinctly different yet created by God. I have seen many vistas in my travels and I never cease to be amazed at the creativity of God. Consider the Arizona landscape, God takes four basic colors (green, brown, red, yellow) and paints the most beautiful pictures with this limited palette. So, I offer this for your consideration. God placed beauty all over this world, not just Arizona or the Caribbean but right where we live too. I challenge each of us (myself included) to look around our environment and see and appreciate what we have been given. It’s bound to be awesome!

Are you one of those people that grab the grocery cart with the wobbly wheel?   That cart seems to have a mind of its own and straight is a direction it has never gone.   Life get’s that way sometimes and we really have to hold tight onto the handle to keep from running into others on the path.   Gossip can be the wobbly wheel that drives us into someone else’s life and cause pain. The bible speaks to the man who is able to control his tongue as being in control of his whole body (James 3:2).   Why is gossip a delicious treat to so many?   Does it make us feel better about ourselves?   Maybe for a moment but it is never a lasting satisfaction.   We are to use Jesus as our standard of measure, not other sinners. Looking at how Jesus handled the situations in his life, not once do we witness him sharing gossip or speaking without first considering his words. Can you control your tongue?   I challenge you (and myself) to try.   Conside...

You have to love the gentleness of God.   He is present, not pushy.   He is patient beyond measure (all the times I’ve wandered and he continues to love me).   He doesn’t just love, he IS love.   It isn’t that our sins don’t hurt him, they do.   I often wonder, how do I let go of bitterness?   As obvious as it seems right now, following the example of God is how to let go.   He has led by example for eternity, he sent Christ to die for us while we were yet sinners. Time and time again, I fall short of his glory and time and time again, he forgives me and loves me.   Even when I behave as a defiant child, he stands by me, he gently reminds me of his love and forgiveness. It is never withheld. Why do I feel the need to withhold love and forgiveness from those who hurt me?   How can I possibly feel justified to be unloving when love is all I’ve been shown?   It is an unending struggle between the sinful me and the forgiven me.  ...

Ever feel like you’re life is making a very slow, wide U-turn?   It is that time in life when you understand that you are on the wrong trajectory and you need to change something but change sounds sooo painful. Even knowing that in your greatest struggles you achieve the greatest growth, does not always ease the pain.   I’ve concluded it is a matter of where you place your focus.   Where there is change, there is tunnel vision and all we see is the pain. If we would only back away and get the view of the big picture, we could turn happily and quickly from our old ways.   To repent is to turn around.   It is to turn and go the opposite direction because the current path will only lead to troubles. (I know I have been on this theme for a couple posts)   If only God lined the path with sweet treats and flashing neon signs to make it easier.   But God does not coerce us.   He simply waits for us to love him (He already loves us) he doesn’t need...

Have you ever tried to rush God?   It is sort of like passing the slow driver only to have him pull up beside you at the next stop light.   When I am trying to rush my life, I can hear the still small voice saying, “My grace is sufficient for you.”   In addition, I am usually so distracted in my rushing that I simply say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.”   Do I really know?   It is a constant battle for me, obviously, I can’t just sit back and wait for some things to just fall into my lap, and I must proceed with doing something, right?   What if the thing I am rushing toward, is not in God’s plan for me?   (It is not always crystal clear.)   By the time I recognize this fact I have quite often gotten myself tangled in some mess and muddied the waters of my life.   Then I sit down, feel sorry for myself and ask God why? Life really ought to be lived purposefully, thoughtfully.   In order to do that I really shouldn’t rush into anything...

            So, it hasn’t been the best year of my life, quite honestly, I’m ready to welcome 2013 with open arms.   When life isn’t going my way I’m inclined to cut myself slack, it begins with little things like “I deserve this candy bar.”   It progresses to “I really need to sleep in today; I’ll go to church next week.”   It can even continue to cheapening my prayers to a simple, “You know what I need God.” I keep telling myself I still have faith, I still believe Jesus is my savior. However, each of these moments of cutting myself slack is like running up the balance on a credit card, the individual purchases seem reasonable and harmless but the next thing you know you’ve maxed out your credit card.   These are the deceptions that Satan employs to pull us away from the Christ-centered life.   When we come to our senses, we are so far from the path of life we feel powerless and ashamed (more of Satan’s t...

            If you have ever taught a teenager to drive, you have an awareness of the loss of control that comes with handing over the keys. You may even know the dashboard gripping terror that can be part of being the passenger in the car of a student driver. Over time though, the new driver gains experience and your trust and you realize that their driving is just fine, it was really the change of perspective you needed to adjust to.   Moving from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat requires trust, even with an experienced driver. It is difficult to hand over the control of the steering wheel when one has control issues such as me.             It struck me today that living the Christian life is a lot like being in the passenger seat. It comes with a feeling of being out of control and you may very well be out of control but God never is.   You’ve probably s...

            We have had breezes that last few days.   There is something about a cool breeze, any breeze at all for that matter, which refreshes.   In New Testament Greek, the word for spirit and wind (aka breeze) is the same word.   I am often reminded of the Holy Spirit and comforted by the wind.   It serves as a reminder that there are things we can’t see exactly but we can see their effects, we can feel their presence.   The Holy Spirit is a rather subtle entity though, often times moving behind the scenes, it requires one to be acutely aware of little details.   I often recognize the Holy Spirit at work “after the fact” when I perform my own retrospective observation of a situation.             Love is another such entity.   We are not always aware of it in the physical sense but we can see its effects. I suppose we shouldn’t be surpr...

            I have been cleaning today. I have a cabinet where I place things I don’t think I should throw away but I’m not sure where to put them, it is akin to a junk drawer (c’mon, everyone has one of those). As I have sorted through papers and cards, I have uncovered some gems of memories that brought smiles and laughter.   For instance, I found a letter from my daughter pleading her case to “abstain” from school one particular Friday. In general, I found a great many papers that have no meaning to me; I haven’t laid eyes on them for anywhere from months to years, I’m pretty sure I have discarded the equivalent of a young oak tree today.   I am pleased with my ability to part with these things but it raises a bigger question, why did I feel the need to hold onto them in the first place?             This leads me to question what emotional clutter am I hanging ...

            I have mentioned before that I am an aroma sort of girl.   This morning in my bible reading I once again came across the verse in 2 Corinthians 2:15, 16 “For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.   To one we are the smell of death; to the other the fragrance of life.   And who is equal to such a task?”             It raised the question in my mind, what do life and death smell like? When I think of the smell of death, it isn’t too difficult to come up with odors; rotting fruits or vegetables, perhaps the dead skunk in the road smell.   Since I own two dogs, I am continually faced with the challenge of trying to keep my home smelling fresh, while it isn’t a smell of death, it isn’t a smell I care to live with either. We desire fresh scents, we desire life.     ...