a dark place



I awoke to snow on the ground today, the first snow of the season.  It is pretty to look at through my window, while I remain comfortable inside. Eventually, I will need to emerge from my house and embrace the cold and damp. Many things in this world are pretty, from a distance.  But the closer we get to something the more flaws we recognize.

I wonder if this is where depression originates, what are we closer to than ourselves?  We don’t just see our physical flaws but we know the internal ones as well.  I struggle with depression and feel as though I am fighting for my life these days. I know that I am experiencing depression because my desire to write is challenged.  I can sit in my chair for hours and feel as though my mind is a void. This has been my situation for this week and why my blog has lain dormant. As I read Psalm 43 this morning, I finally had the idea to write about the depression.  I try to keep things upbeat but no one is upbeat 24/7, that isn’t real.  Moreover, if David, the psalmist and a man after God’s own heart, could write about depression; why shouldn’t I, God’s child be able to do the same?

I do cry out to God and I feel as though my cries fall on deaf ears.  Why won’t he fix me?  For starters, humans are not fixed they are healed.  The healing process takes time too.  Therefore, I continue to lean heavily upon my faith, upon my God.  I trust that this phase of depression will pass and when I look back on it I will have learned something or been strengthened in some way. For God can take the bleakest moments of life and redeem them for beauty.

Isaiah 61: 2-3: “to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.”
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Comments

  1. harleyDecember 17, 2011 at 10:43 PM

    I can relate. Sometimes the darkness in my soul runs so deep that I wish God would call me home right then and there.

    ReplyDelete

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