The Meandering Mind of a Christian Woman

            It is always puzzling to me to discover I’m in a bad mood.   Typically, I find no compelling reason to be negative.   Negative vibes are so sneaky, how do they get into my life?   After some self-reflection, I have concluded that my bad moods stem from grudges I carry and if I’m carrying a grudge, I must not be forgiving others.   I find that certain people or situations will cause me to overreact in ways that are not loving.             How do I forgive those who get under my skin? Should I forgive someone who is truly in the wrong, yet does not ask for forgiveness? What about righteous anger, shouldn’t I hold onto that?   The bottom line is that forgiveness is just as beneficial for the forgiver as it is the forgiven, maybe even more so.   Holding onto grudges is self-destructive; it actually is harmful to one’s health.   Carrying hatred adds unhealthy stress to the body.   As cliché as it may be, “Let go, Let God,” really is the way to go.   This is not giving someone c

            Do you ever have those days when you feel as though you are all alone in the world? You know you have God in life but you just wonder if anyone would even notice if you just went away. I have days when I feel invisible and I don’t like them.   We all want to know that we matter to others.   There is a song by the group Mikeschair that moves me so deeply, it is called “Someone Worth Dying For” here is the chorus: “Am I more than flesh and bone? Am I really something beautiful? Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that I'm not just some wandering soul That you don't see and you don't know Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I Am someone worth dying for “             How awesome are these lyrics?   However, I can get so caught up in the pleading that I miss the answer.   God is showing me everyday such love but I’m still riding the pity party tour bus, looking out the wrong window.   I recently looked out the other side of the bus and I saw

            I deal with very sick people on a regular basis, which is one of the attributes of working in an intensive care unit.   This means that I also deal with families of those sick people. I am continually amazed and surprised by the variety of family dynamics I see in action when a family member is ill or injured. Family dynamics run the gamut from exceptionally loving to exceptionally dysfunctional.             The crises that bring a patient to the intensive care will bring out the best or the worst in people.   Many family members will rise to the occasion and become strong for the sake of the patient or other family members. It is in situations such as these that people discover just how much strength they really possess.   It has been my experience that those who have a strong support system already in place, maybe a big family or a faith connection, have the best outlook on every situation. Even set backs are put in a positive light.   Maybe it is playing mind games with

            It is Christmas Eve; it is day for good memories.   As a child, this was THE day we celebrated and the excitement was palpable all day long.   The house was filled with delicious aromas as mom cooked a great dinner.   Since my siblings and I went to a Christian school, there was always a kids Christmas program in the evening.   Oh, the anticipation of getting through the program because following it, we went home to open the gifts.   My memories hold an evening filled with lights and sparkles and smiles, it was downright magical.             Over the years, the traditions have changed.   My own children became part of the Christmas Eve fun at my mom’s followed by a candlelight service at church followed by Christmas morning at home and finally to their other grandparent’s house, twenty-four hours of festivities. These days, it is more subdued.   We still go to candlelight service on Christmas Eve but our celebration is dependant on work schedules. What hasn’t changed for

            Christmas is almost here!   The question that many adults dread at Christmas is; what do you want for Christmas?   I have concluded (much like the Grinch) that once we reach adulthood the things we want aren’t things at all.   The things that I crave have to do with intangibles and the last time I shopped, I didn’t see any of them on a shelf.             I want some financial stability for everyone.   I want someone to tuck a blanket around me when I nap.   I want time with my children.   I want to be productive and have follow through in all my ideas and endeavors.   I want to find reasons for a hearty belly laugh at least daily. I want a faith that can move mountains and speak volumes.   I want to be happy.             Some of those items I have control over, the trick is to assume the control and stop waiting for someone else to do it for me. I do feel a new spirit easing into my life, a spirit that reminds me, “With God all things are possible.”   It will be interes

            After my bible reading this morning, I am wondering what Jesus saw in his disciples that he chose them to be his apostles. He chose fishermen, a tax collector, a physician, and even a traitor among others.   Talk about variety, wow!   He chose pretty average Joes to be his messengers.   He spent time teaching them and demonstrating to them how to love others. Further on in my reading in Luke 6 I read; “ 43 “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit.   44 Each tree is recognized by its own fruit.   People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers.   45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.   For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”   Did he apply this philosophy to his process of choosing disciples? Has he applied this philosophy in choosing me as his child?             So, now I look at my life.   What is the fruit

I awoke to snow on the ground today, the first snow of the season.   It is pretty to look at through my window, while I remain comfortable inside. Eventually, I will need to emerge from my house and embrace the cold and damp. Many things in this world are pretty, from a distance.   But the closer we get to something the more flaws we recognize. I wonder if this is where depression originates, what are we closer to than ourselves?   We don’t just see our physical flaws but we know the internal ones as well.   I struggle with depression and feel as though I am fighting for my life these days. I know that I am experiencing depression because my desire to write is challenged.   I can sit in my chair for hours and feel as though my mind is a void. This has been my situation for this week and why my blog has lain dormant. As I read Psalm 43 this morning, I finally had the idea to write about the depression.   I try to keep things upbeat but no one is upbeat 24/7, that isn’t real.   Moreov

            I grew up listening to or reading Luke 2 at Christmas time. It is the story of events surrounding the birth of Jesus. It is certainly beloved and meaningful to me. Christmas time just gives me that cozy feeling; basking in the glow of the lights from the tree, sharing love and laughter with family and friends, feeling especially pleased and eager to see the face of a loved one when she opens my idea of the perfect gift.   I usually get more pumped about Christmas than I do about Easter and I started considering that. I think it is because when Easter rolls around I come face to face with my sins and their consequences on Good Friday. None of us enjoy being confronted by our wrongs.             It occurs to me, however, that even though the pain of the cross isn’t as obvious on Christmas and we see Jesus as a beautiful baby boy, there is confrontation. I must confront the fact that Jesus had to leave paradise and take on human form, for me. Perhaps you have been at a cele

Let’s just it put it right up front, I have issues with political correctness.   While I do not intentionally seek to injure other people with my words, I reserve the right to use the words that express my thoughts and feelings most adequately.   The English language has taken enough of a beating over the years; to remove words from the dialogue on the outside chance of offending someone is offensive to me.   I heard on a talk show today that a teacher in preparing her class to sing the song, “Deck the Halls” decided to change “gay apparel” to bright apparel; fortunately, the teacher was overruled by the principal.   We are privileged to have a rich language in which many words have multiple meanings, just because some people choose to attach negative connotations to the word does not mean I should be restricted to its use. All of that being said; the other side of the political correctness coin is the choice to be offended. Yes, I said that correctly, each of us makes a choice whethe

            My sleep cycle is off since my travels; which means I’m waking up very early in the morning and falling asleep much earlier in the evening.   We haven’t had much sunlight since I’ve been home either so that affects things too.   I don’t know about you but sunlight is important to me and to my mood.   I have so much to be thankful for and to celebrate, I am excited for Advent and the Christmas season but without sunshine, I must put forth a lot of effort to maintain the joy.             I believe this is a good demonstration of the fact that I am a sinner. How easily I can fall into the funk of grumbling and complaining and missing the joy before me. Sin is darkness in my soul and I can choose to wallow in the darkness or to turn on the light. I can turn on the light by placing myself in the presence of God; he exposes the sin that creeps in.   It requires effort because God is a gentleman and will not intrude where he is not invited.   The effort required isn’t Herculean

I’m home again from my travels and happy to be so. The trip was wonderful, I gained so much knowledge and insight my head is still swimming. As I walked about the Holy Land I had two competing thoughts run through my mind; 1. This is where Jesus walked. 2. Jesus walks with me no matter where I am.   As interesting and fascinating as the sites were, the people remain in my thoughts the strongest. I didn’t learn a lot of names, I don’t know their birthdays or their addresses but I feel connected. We shared moments in time and these beautiful people demonstrated love and acceptance that I didn’t expect. Whether they had a little or a lot, they shared. I wonder if the situation were reversed would they leave my presence feeling the same impact as I feel?   While I hope and pray it would be so, I know I have room to grow.   How about you? Romans 12:13 says,   “Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” Practice is a verb, it means: “Perform (an activity) or exer