The Meandering Mind of a Christian Woman

  Genesis 3:14 “God said to Moses, ‘I AM who I AM.’ This is what you are to say to the Israelites: “I Am has sent me to you.”             I feel the need to make a disclaimer statement up front as I can see what I will write in these next few sentences could be misconstrued. This writing is not claiming that man is God although I will say, that if you have claimed the Holy Spirit lives in you, that identifies that God is in you too.             How many times a day do you use the phrase “I am…”? Probably much more than you or I realize. This is how God identified Himself to Moses. “I AM who I AM” We often refer to God as the great I AM, which He is. Going back to how often we use the phrase, for myself those two words are often followed with denigrating words like; so stupid, so foolish, so dumb, so angry, so hurt, so fill in the blank. What if each time we thought abou...

              It occurred to me this week that many of us have titles; professor, mechanic, doctor, pastor, nurse, teacher, plumber, carpenter, mother, father, and the list can go forever. Many of us have worked hard to earn our titles, I know I spent many hours becoming a nurse and I take a certain amount of pride in the title. But there are days I don’t want to be the nurse; I just want to be Jody, it’s comforting.             Isaiah 43:1b “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine.” In context this is a prophecy to Israel and goes on to describe how God will be w ith us through water and fire, in other words through all our traumas. I cherish the idea of being called by name. You see, along with the titles we might bear come expectations, responsibilities, and pressures. I recall my first year of being a nurse among a staff of about...

              It’s been a rough week. I began the week being heartbroken over the death of someone I hold very dear, he’s been a large presence in my life the last couple decades. I can’t stop thinking and praying for the family he left behind; a beautiful wife and three adoring daughters. It echoes my own experience becoming a widow. They are women of strong faith and I have confidence that their faith will pull them through on their dark days ahead.             Yet, a word keeps flowing through my thoughts; fragile. (If you’re a fan of “A Christmas Story” you read that as fra-jeee-lay, but that’s beside the point.) When a loved one passes away it is common to feel quite fragile, as though one could shatter into a million pieces at any given moment. I have been contemplating this idea and it occurs to me, we are all fragile. From an outside perspective we appear to have ...

              I was walking with my good friend Patti this morning as we do most Saturdays, and we were discussing dependance on God versus a bank account when from out of my coat pocket my phone speaks and says, “I don’t understand.” In the moment it made us chuckle, but it is so appropriate because the phone (a worldly item) can’t understand that kind of faith. The world doesn’t understand that kind of faith. I have often heard stories of men and women of faith totally dependent on God, prayers being answered in supernatural ways at the very last minute. (Read up on George Mueller who ran an orphanage depending entirely on God). I desire that type of faith because try as I might, at times I still lean on my bank accounts and fear can creep in when my funds are low.             There is no way to completely understand the love of God, His ways are incomprehensible to the...

              As a young person, I was fond of painting, not great at it but reasonable. I set it aside when I fell in love and got married. In these days of isolation I needed to find some other ways to occupy myself other than baking and decided to get back to my paint brushes.   To get used to handling the brushes again I got myself a paint by number,             If you have never tried one of these let me give you a little insight. You receive a canvas with an image divided up into numbered areas and little pots of paint with corresponding numbers. Then you begin a sort of scavenger hunt trying to fill in all the spots of a particular number. Sounds simple enough, however some of these areas are so tiny they are easily overlooked. The tiny spots are important though, they give that little flourish that can draw the eye or round out an object.    ...

                  Everyone wants to be heard, but no one wants to listen. It happens all the time, in the home, at work, the city, the state, the nation and internationally. We all want to make our point, but we don’t listen to the opposite point of view. We’ve already made up our mind on a topic and we aren’t going to budge.                 All the divisiveness in our country is so frustrating. What would happen if we could sit at a table with others who see things differently than we do and we listened? Hearing and listening are completely different. We need to listen to understand yet how often are we formulating our response before we have even heard completely what the other person is saying? I know I am guilty of this.                 True listening a...

            If you know me, you know I avoid politics and controversy. I avoid conflict. I am a coward. This is just one example of white privilege. I can afford to never step into the fray because I’m not particularly affected by it on a personal level. I don’t want to be a coward, I want to help promote justice for all people, including and especially, people of color. I have prayed about what I can do to effect change and my power lies in my writings. It is a small power to be sure, but I must use what I can to promote liberty and justice for all.             I was raised in a white town; we did not have a black family in our town until I was about 14 years old. Racist jokes were common in my house, even applauded at times. I was taught that people of color could not be trusted, they were different somehow. When that first black family did move to town, I wanted to be f...

            Marking time; today is 9/11 a date that invokes tragic memories in the heart of every American who was alive eighteen years ago. Most of know exactly where we were when we heard the news; I was sitting at an intersection waiting for a left turn signal. There is something about tragedy that gets embossed on ones’ mind. When I consider the events of my life, I can recall intimate details that I am unable to at any other time. I must dig in my mind to recall what I had for lunch two days ago, but I remember the smell of fresh paint in my house 46 years ago when we received the call my brother had been killed in an accident.             I have been contemplating what we humans do on anniversaries of events. We mark time. But we also mark time for inconsequential days. How many days until the weekend, until vacation, even how many hours until the end of my shift? We...

            When I was a pre-teen, I was given my eldest brother’s bible, he had been killed in an electrocution accident. I ran my fingers over the gold embossed letters of his name lovingly.   I recall being fascinated by the fact it was a red-letter bible, meaning that the words of Christ were in red. I opened the book to this verse: Matthew 7:1,2 “Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” I remember feeling as though it was a revelation; a piece of wisdom that could serve me well. It is a verse that frequently passes through my thoughts even now. Judging is something with which I struggle. It just seems to happen automatically; I try not to speak my judgments out loud, but God knows the judgments I make even in my mind.             There is a big diff...

            I just spent my morning waiting in an auto care shop for maintenance to be completed on my vehicle. I have spent the last couple months ignoring a warning light on my dashboard and decided it was time to investigate it. The guy behind the counter approached me a couple times with a new problem and different scenarios of how to manage them.   (It’s situations like this that remind me how much I miss my husband.) At one point the solutions proposed had a price difference of more than a thousand dollars, we went with the less expensive solution first. As they worked on that solution, I prayed fervently that it would work. Fortunately for me, God heard my prayer and answered in the affirmative. The mechanic did say there is the potential the solution is temporary; I will continue praying.             As I left the shop in my smoothly running vehicle, it occurr...

            Since I recently broached the topic of speaking it seems natural to proceed with the concept of listening. James 1:19,20 “My dear brothers and sisters take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”   As one who is mildly hard of hearing there are certain people whose voices are so quiet; I must face them and concentrate on their voice to hear them. Honestly, that should be how I listen to anyone speaking to me. Giving our full attention to someone demonstrates love and care. I work in an environment that requires a certain amount of multi-tasking; I am accustomed to distracted listening, but I admit I don’t do it well.             I’m particularly fond of the story in 1 Kings 19:11-13 when Elijah encounters God. “The Lord said, ‘Go out ...

            “You can’t outrun your mouth.” I heard this comment in reference to diet and exercise; meaning you can’t exercise your way out of poor eating habits. However, I think this applies to the spoken word as well. Perhaps this one will ring a bell; “Open mouth, insert foot and chew vigorously.” How many times have you said something that has come back to haunt you? It might be something said innocently enough but has been skewed by another to be offensive. Or even worse, your words are spoken to another through another, wrongly; like playing telephone, who truly knows what each person said or heard? The spoken word is something you can never get back and those sound waves keep vibrating in the atmosphere and ringing in the ears. You know this all too well if you have ever been on the receiving end of harsh criticism or insult.             I prefer the written word ov...

            Are you like me when you look at a photo of yourself? Do you immediately locate all the flaws in your appearance? A picture might accentuate my eyes or my smile beautifully but all I see is the roll on my abdomen. I believe it begins as a self-defense mechanism; if I point out my flaws first then no one can hurt me with them. But in reality; the majority of people will notice my eyes or my smile and not the roll anyway.             As of late, I have been exploring the concept of self-love from within the Christian perspective. It requires a certain amount of balance between humility and grace. Humble enough to avoid being a chest pounder pointing out all our achievements but graceful enough to accept a sincere compliment. Whenever we look at how Jesus handled such issues in scripture, he demonstrates that perfect balance.   From the wedding at Canna to his ...

            One of the largest battles in my life has been overcoming invisibility. As the baby of six kids in a turbulent family I struggled to feel like I had been seen. This battle continues today; the need to be seen and recognized is a basic need for me. There were times in my life I didn’t want to be seen; walking through the halls in high school where the bullies stood, anytime my dad was in a drunken rage, when my clothing was ill fitting, when I didn’t know an answer to the question and similar circumstances. But in general, I want people to notice me, to call me by name and smile.             Fast forward to adulthood; I marry a guy who is larger than life and loved by just about everyone he ever met. I loved him too. But I also knew his foibles, this paragon of virtue wasn’t as solid as everyone believed. We worked well together, and I wholeheartedly supported his...

            We live in a culture that looks down on weakness, we give it a connotation of shame. Yet, I ask you; what is so wrong about weakness? It is in weakness that relationship with God and others is forged into a stronger bond than was before. The one who is bold enough to share a weakness really isn’t weak at all. That person is baring his soul, reaching out and asking for help, requesting the presence of another to get through a situation. In today's culture, that takes guts all on its own. Growth happens in weakness too; we don’t stay weak. The word picture that comes to mind is a line of people climbing a mountain; the strongest person leads and reaches back to pull the next person up who in turn pulls the one behind him up and so it goes. Everyone reaches the top with the help of the one who went before him. Everyone is successful because of the relationship to each other.        ...

            How many times have you said the Lord’s prayer in your life? Maybe you never have or maybe your number is in the tens of thousands. There is a portion of the prayer that says; “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” This portion has given me pause for thought a number of times.   Are we saying; forgive my sins and I do forgive those who have sinned against me? OR are we saying forgive me like I forgive others? Because if it’s the latter, I think I might be in trouble. There are times I really struggle to forgive others, they hurt me pretty badly.             How do I know when I have honestly forgiven another? I say I forgive you and I try to move on. But if something comes up that reminds me of those hurts, I can get myself worked up all over again, do you do that too? I’m sure I have hurt God badly, especially when I retu...