weakness


            When all this business with breast cancer began, I kept telling myself it was no big deal, I’m going to kick cancer’s butt. I still believe that I will be victorious but I am learning it is a bigger deal than I gave it credit for being. I have always been a pretty independent woman and I can tell already that as I progress into my treatment I am going to have to ask for help. Right from the beginning God has assured me of his presence in the midst of this, I have no doubt of his presence either. I am, however, curious how this refining process will hurt in my life and will I be brave enough. I know all too well that I have seen the greatest miracles in some of my darkest moments, what dark moments lie before me? Here I go again, trying to figure out God before I even get to the crossroad. I really need to listen to scripture, Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

            Sometimes, we just have to trust that it will make sense…eventually. Eventually might be on the other side of heaven. Yet, when I do the retrospective of my life I can see God’s hand shaping and reshaping me and bringing me new understandings and insights. I still don’t know why God took Don home (away from me) so soon but I know through Don’s passing I gained a view of the peace that passes all understanding that has bolstered my faith, time and time again. Since I received my first chemo treatment I have not felt so great, I have seen my weakness and realize my foolish pride must be set aside, I will ask for help. I will give thanks for the people God has placed in my life. I will praise God in the ups and downs. The lyrics from the song “Blessings” sum it up quite well:

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
are what it takes to know You're near
and what if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise

            2 Corinthian 12:9 “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

 
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