The Meandering Mind of a Christian Woman

            It is always puzzling to me to discover I’m in a bad mood.   Typically, I find no compelling reason to be negative.   Negative vibes are so sneaky, how do they get into my life?   After some self-reflection, I have concluded that my bad moods stem from grudges I carry and if I’m carrying a grudge, I must not be forgiving others.   I find that certain people or situations will cause me to overreact in ways that are not loving.             How do I forgive those who get under my skin? Should I forgive someone who is truly in the wrong, yet does not ask for forgiveness? What about righteous anger, shouldn’t I hold onto that?   The bottom line is that forgiveness is just as beneficial for the forgiver as it is the forgiven, maybe even more so.   Holding onto grudges is self-destructive; it actually is harmful to one’s health.   Carryin...

            Do you ever have those days when you feel as though you are all alone in the world? You know you have God in life but you just wonder if anyone would even notice if you just went away. I have days when I feel invisible and I don’t like them.   We all want to know that we matter to others.   There is a song by the group Mikeschair that moves me so deeply, it is called “Someone Worth Dying For” here is the chorus: “Am I more than flesh and bone? Am I really something beautiful? Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that I'm not just some wandering soul That you don't see and you don't know Yeah I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I Am someone worth dying for “             How awesome are these lyrics?   However, I can get so caught up in the pleading that I miss the answer.   God is showing me everyday such love but I’m still ridi...

            I deal with very sick people on a regular basis, which is one of the attributes of working in an intensive care unit.   This means that I also deal with families of those sick people. I am continually amazed and surprised by the variety of family dynamics I see in action when a family member is ill or injured. Family dynamics run the gamut from exceptionally loving to exceptionally dysfunctional.             The crises that bring a patient to the intensive care will bring out the best or the worst in people.   Many family members will rise to the occasion and become strong for the sake of the patient or other family members. It is in situations such as these that people discover just how much strength they really possess.   It has been my experience that those who have a strong support system already in place, maybe a big family or a faith connection,...

            It is Christmas Eve; it is day for good memories.   As a child, this was THE day we celebrated and the excitement was palpable all day long.   The house was filled with delicious aromas as mom cooked a great dinner.   Since my siblings and I went to a Christian school, there was always a kids Christmas program in the evening.   Oh, the anticipation of getting through the program because following it, we went home to open the gifts.   My memories hold an evening filled with lights and sparkles and smiles, it was downright magical.             Over the years, the traditions have changed.   My own children became part of the Christmas Eve fun at my mom’s followed by a candlelight service at church followed by Christmas morning at home and finally to their other grandparent’s house, twenty-four hours of festivities. These days, it is more...

            Christmas is almost here!   The question that many adults dread at Christmas is; what do you want for Christmas?   I have concluded (much like the Grinch) that once we reach adulthood the things we want aren’t things at all.   The things that I crave have to do with intangibles and the last time I shopped, I didn’t see any of them on a shelf.             I want some financial stability for everyone.   I want someone to tuck a blanket around me when I nap.   I want time with my children.   I want to be productive and have follow through in all my ideas and endeavors.   I want to find reasons for a hearty belly laugh at least daily. I want a faith that can move mountains and speak volumes.   I want to be happy.             Some of those items I have control over, the tric...

            After my bible reading this morning, I am wondering what Jesus saw in his disciples that he chose them to be his apostles. He chose fishermen, a tax collector, a physician, and even a traitor among others.   Talk about variety, wow!   He chose pretty average Joes to be his messengers.   He spent time teaching them and demonstrating to them how to love others. Further on in my reading in Luke 6 I read; “ 43 “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit.   44 Each tree is recognized by its own fruit.   People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers.   45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.   For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”   Did he apply this philosophy to his process of choosing disciples? Has he applied this philos...

I awoke to snow on the ground today, the first snow of the season.   It is pretty to look at through my window, while I remain comfortable inside. Eventually, I will need to emerge from my house and embrace the cold and damp. Many things in this world are pretty, from a distance.   But the closer we get to something the more flaws we recognize. I wonder if this is where depression originates, what are we closer to than ourselves?   We don’t just see our physical flaws but we know the internal ones as well.   I struggle with depression and feel as though I am fighting for my life these days. I know that I am experiencing depression because my desire to write is challenged.   I can sit in my chair for hours and feel as though my mind is a void. This has been my situation for this week and why my blog has lain dormant. As I read Psalm 43 this morning, I finally had the idea to write about the depression.   I try to keep things upbeat but no one is upbeat 24...