The Meandering Mind of a Christian Woman

            Marking time; today is 9/11 a date that invokes tragic memories in the heart of every American who was alive eighteen years ago. Most of know exactly where we were when we heard the news; I was sitting at an intersection waiting for a left turn signal. There is something about tragedy that gets embossed on ones’ mind. When I consider the events of my life, I can recall intimate details that I am unable to at any other time. I must dig in my mind to recall what I had for lunch two days ago, but I remember the smell of fresh paint in my house 46 years ago when we received the call my brother had been killed in an accident.             I have been contemplating what we humans do on anniversaries of events. We mark time. But we also mark time for inconsequential days. How many days until the weekend, until vacation, even how many hours until the end of my shift? We...

            When I was a pre-teen, I was given my eldest brother’s bible, he had been killed in an electrocution accident. I ran my fingers over the gold embossed letters of his name lovingly.   I recall being fascinated by the fact it was a red-letter bible, meaning that the words of Christ were in red. I opened the book to this verse: Matthew 7:1,2 “Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” I remember feeling as though it was a revelation; a piece of wisdom that could serve me well. It is a verse that frequently passes through my thoughts even now. Judging is something with which I struggle. It just seems to happen automatically; I try not to speak my judgments out loud, but God knows the judgments I make even in my mind.             There is a big diff...

            I just spent my morning waiting in an auto care shop for maintenance to be completed on my vehicle. I have spent the last couple months ignoring a warning light on my dashboard and decided it was time to investigate it. The guy behind the counter approached me a couple times with a new problem and different scenarios of how to manage them.   (It’s situations like this that remind me how much I miss my husband.) At one point the solutions proposed had a price difference of more than a thousand dollars, we went with the less expensive solution first. As they worked on that solution, I prayed fervently that it would work. Fortunately for me, God heard my prayer and answered in the affirmative. The mechanic did say there is the potential the solution is temporary; I will continue praying.             As I left the shop in my smoothly running vehicle, it occurr...

            Since I recently broached the topic of speaking it seems natural to proceed with the concept of listening. James 1:19,20 “My dear brothers and sisters take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”   As one who is mildly hard of hearing there are certain people whose voices are so quiet; I must face them and concentrate on their voice to hear them. Honestly, that should be how I listen to anyone speaking to me. Giving our full attention to someone demonstrates love and care. I work in an environment that requires a certain amount of multi-tasking; I am accustomed to distracted listening, but I admit I don’t do it well.             I’m particularly fond of the story in 1 Kings 19:11-13 when Elijah encounters God. “The Lord said, ‘Go out ...

            “You can’t outrun your mouth.” I heard this comment in reference to diet and exercise; meaning you can’t exercise your way out of poor eating habits. However, I think this applies to the spoken word as well. Perhaps this one will ring a bell; “Open mouth, insert foot and chew vigorously.” How many times have you said something that has come back to haunt you? It might be something said innocently enough but has been skewed by another to be offensive. Or even worse, your words are spoken to another through another, wrongly; like playing telephone, who truly knows what each person said or heard? The spoken word is something you can never get back and those sound waves keep vibrating in the atmosphere and ringing in the ears. You know this all too well if you have ever been on the receiving end of harsh criticism or insult.             I prefer the written word ov...

            Are you like me when you look at a photo of yourself? Do you immediately locate all the flaws in your appearance? A picture might accentuate my eyes or my smile beautifully but all I see is the roll on my abdomen. I believe it begins as a self-defense mechanism; if I point out my flaws first then no one can hurt me with them. But in reality; the majority of people will notice my eyes or my smile and not the roll anyway.             As of late, I have been exploring the concept of self-love from within the Christian perspective. It requires a certain amount of balance between humility and grace. Humble enough to avoid being a chest pounder pointing out all our achievements but graceful enough to accept a sincere compliment. Whenever we look at how Jesus handled such issues in scripture, he demonstrates that perfect balance.   From the wedding at Canna to his ...

            One of the largest battles in my life has been overcoming invisibility. As the baby of six kids in a turbulent family I struggled to feel like I had been seen. This battle continues today; the need to be seen and recognized is a basic need for me. There were times in my life I didn’t want to be seen; walking through the halls in high school where the bullies stood, anytime my dad was in a drunken rage, when my clothing was ill fitting, when I didn’t know an answer to the question and similar circumstances. But in general, I want people to notice me, to call me by name and smile.             Fast forward to adulthood; I marry a guy who is larger than life and loved by just about everyone he ever met. I loved him too. But I also knew his foibles, this paragon of virtue wasn’t as solid as everyone believed. We worked well together, and I wholeheartedly supported his...

            We live in a culture that looks down on weakness, we give it a connotation of shame. Yet, I ask you; what is so wrong about weakness? It is in weakness that relationship with God and others is forged into a stronger bond than was before. The one who is bold enough to share a weakness really isn’t weak at all. That person is baring his soul, reaching out and asking for help, requesting the presence of another to get through a situation. In today's culture, that takes guts all on its own. Growth happens in weakness too; we don’t stay weak. The word picture that comes to mind is a line of people climbing a mountain; the strongest person leads and reaches back to pull the next person up who in turn pulls the one behind him up and so it goes. Everyone reaches the top with the help of the one who went before him. Everyone is successful because of the relationship to each other.        ...

            How many times have you said the Lord’s prayer in your life? Maybe you never have or maybe your number is in the tens of thousands. There is a portion of the prayer that says; “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” This portion has given me pause for thought a number of times.   Are we saying; forgive my sins and I do forgive those who have sinned against me? OR are we saying forgive me like I forgive others? Because if it’s the latter, I think I might be in trouble. There are times I really struggle to forgive others, they hurt me pretty badly.             How do I know when I have honestly forgiven another? I say I forgive you and I try to move on. But if something comes up that reminds me of those hurts, I can get myself worked up all over again, do you do that too? I’m sure I have hurt God badly, especially when I retu...

I am a new creation in Christ. When life starts bugging me and it feels futile; I repeat that phrase to myself. Any moment we breathe can be a moment for change, a moment for a new beginning. I am continually waiting in expectation for those moments; they frequently give me a thrill. They also frequently slip past me unnoticed. We had a rainstorm this afternoon and the rain was pounding hard against my patio doors but on the other side of the rain the sun was shining brightly, no clouds in my line of vision. It is an unusual sight, at least in Northern Illinois. I was fascinated by it, but God wasn’t done yet. A while later after the rain ceased, I looked out those doors and noticed that my little deck was bathed in a glow of golden orange light. I stepped outside to explore the origin of the glow. The sun was setting off to my right and in the sky to my left was a bank of fluffy clouds that were aglow with that golden orange light. I attempted to capture the moment with pictures...

            Something I hear a lot lately is; I believe that God is love and love wouldn’t allow people to go to hell. It is perhaps a comforting platitude, but I don’t think it is particularly accurate. The thing is that love, real love, is hard. Real love does the hard things of life. It is real love that drives a husband to get up in the middle of the night with a crying child to allow his wife to sleep. It is real love that leads a woman to choose to make healthy meals for her family over McDonalds even knowing they will complain about her efforts. It is real love that corrects and properly disciplines a child in error so that he or she will grow into a productive adult. It is real self-love that drives a person to get up to exercise over sleeping in to keep his or her body healthy. Real love is what took Jesus to the cross and held him there for our sakes, talk about hard things!        ...

            Come as you are; it is a warm, casual invitation. It says, don’t trouble yourself with fancy clothes or preparing a dish to pass, just show up. I have often heard it said that we can come to Jesus as we are and that is true. We are invited to bring ourselves and all our baggage right to the foot of the cross and look up at his amazing love for us. We say, here I am and he looks at us and says welcome. When we view this incredible gift of grace we are encouraged, as we should be.             Here’s the kicker. Come as you are does not mean stay as you are where Jesus is concerned. All to often we bring ourselves with our baggage to the foot cross, we look up, we say thanks then we turn around, pick up our baggage and walk away again. We miss the point. We come to Jesus for transformation. Perhaps you are familiar with the Transformer toys where a truck can be tran...

            What has blaming ever really done for you? It provides an extremely temporary release from responsibility. It may answer the question of who or what did something but ultimately, it is not a solution. These days blame is practically a sport; it’s nothing new, it started in the Garden of Eden when Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent for their own disobedience. The serpent didn’t cast blame; for one thing there was no one else to blame but secondly (and more importantly) he planted the seeds of sin and blame, it accomplished what he set out to do.             We blame our parents, the weather, government, the rich, the poor, other races or religions and any other group we can think of. Yes, it’s true that certain things started somewhere. However, let’s look at the bottom line; what does blaming do for you? It creates discontentment, anger, resentment, it removes us from personal res...

            When I wake, one of the first things I do is say, “Good morning God!” Some days are more enthusiastic than others. When I greet another human being, I usually follow that greeting with, “how are you?” This morning it occurred to me that I don’t ask God how he is. I have been contemplating this idea, how are you God? Obviously, given his attributes of omnipotence, omnipresence and omniscience it is easy to follow the train of thought that he has everything in check. Despite that; I think of him in human terms and I can’t help but feel he is; not mad but disappointed (cringe). When he looks at creation, like a parent gazing on the wreckage of a kid’s toy room, wouldn’t there be disappointment?             As I contemplated that, my meandering mind led me to consider guilt. The guilt that leads to the disappointment of others. Every culture I have known lays claim t...

            This is my least favorite time of year for a handful of reasons. Ten years ago we learned that my husband and love of my life was dying of pancreatic cancer. Seven years ago, my middle daughter was confined to a wheelchair and dependent on others for her care and we learned that she has MS. Six years ago I had started chemotherapy for my own breast cancer. These were all significant challenges and even now, they affect me deeply. The memories flood my mind frequently this time of year and Facebook memories confront me too. Human nature is to fall into the pit of negative emotions.             Yet, here I am, still standing, still living and still believing that God has a plan for me. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 I lean on this verse more often than I can count. God has been good to me, he has g...

            You’re doing your best to live the good, Christian life; spending time in the word, praying steadily, spending time in worship, doing all the things you’re supposed to and now you are waiting on God. Life feels like you’re sitting in the waiting room of a doctor’s office. Perhaps there is a major life change on the other side of the door, or you find that where you are is where you’re supposed to be. It feels random and out of your control and ever so frustrating.             Waiting is not a passive event. It is active faith and trusting God’s plan for you. In 1 Samuel 13 we see Saul waiting to go into battle. He had received specific instructions to wait for Samuel to offer sacrifice. Saul’s men were getting restless and leaving so he took it upon himself to offer the sacrifice; he didn’t trust. Of course, Samuel arrives just after Saul does this. As a result ...