Vessels

So, we laid my mother to rest this past week. She had been declining the past four years with ever increasing dementia. We saw her go from being slightly forgetful to unable to operate kitchen appliances or set the table to unable to stand on her own to the inability to communicate in full sentences to the inability to be able to communicate at all and finally refusing to eat or drink and into a coma. Over the four years we prayed for her peace and for our own. It is painful to see a once vibrant woman lose herself and her memories and her words and in effect, her children when she no longer recognized us. We wanted her to pass away to heaven because she had already left us mentally. I told myself I was ready for her to go, especially as caring for her became more difficult and she looked past me or through me with no sign of recognition. I was convinced that my grieving process had already taken place. I have much to learn.

I have to tell you, no one was more surprised than me when her casket was closed and slid into the back of the hearse, my throat emitted sobs and groans at the finality of it all. No more will I see her or hold her cold thin hands. No more will I get a silly comeback from her to make me smile. No more will I have the opportunity to make her proud that I am her daughter. It hurts; it hurts a lot. We didn’t have the most tender of relationships, she wasn’t the warm, fuzzy kind of mom. She did teach me to be strong in my faith and to be a strong, independent woman, for both of these I am grateful. I wasn’t always grateful, I often felt resentful that she left me to my own devices as much as she had. I can say it has been my general experience that I learn best from my mistakes and events that are not pleasant at the time. As I have matured and learned this about myself, I do consider when I am going through something difficult; what is to be learned or gained from this experience? 

As a former homeschooling mom and parent there is a term that is familiar; the “teachable moment.” For God; all of my life is a teachable moment. That means all of it, not just moments of tragedy or joy but all of it. My Don, was a potter and the process does illustrate the Christian life beautifully; after all we were made from clay. First the clay had to be wedged, kneaded and softened so it was workable. Then it had to be centered on the wheel and wetted with water as his hands would push and pull and squeeze the clay into some awesome vessels. Watching the process was always a teachable moment. We too must be softened, this is how God works his way into our lives, he repeatedly makes his presence known until we acknowledge him. Then we get centered on Christ our Savior and now we are in position for him to shape us and the waters of baptism endow us with the Holy Spirit to become vessels of God’s love to pour out into the world.

What do you pour out in life? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could automatically pour out the fruit of the Spirit? “But the fruit of the Spirit is; Love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5: 22,23 God doesn’t work that way however, he works it into our lives through events and happenings and other people. I believe it is so we can be grateful. As anyone knows, when you work for something and earn it, you appreciate it far more than something you just have by no effort of your own.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m no gardener in fact I have a black thumb, plants come to my house to die. Yet, cultivating the fruit of the Spirit is something all of us can do. Effort is required but the harvest is so worth it!