The Meandering Mind of a Christian Woman

            When all this business with breast cancer began, I kept telling myself it was no big deal, I’m going to kick cancer’s butt. I still believe that I will be victorious but I am learning it is a bigger deal than I gave it credit for being. I have always been a pretty independent woman and I can tell already that as I progress into my treatment I am going to have to ask for help. Right from the beginning God has assured me of his presence in the midst of this, I have no doubt of his presence either. I am, however, curious how this refining process will hurt in my life and will I be brave enough. I know all too well that I have seen the greatest miracles in some of my darkest moments, what dark moments lie before me? Here I go again, trying to figure out God before I even get to the crossroad. I really need to listen to scripture, Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”             Sometimes, we just have to trust that

            Today is St Patrick’s Day, which is significant to a lot of people. It is significant to me because it is the anniversary of when Don was born. I always wish him Happy Birthday, even though he is in heaven. I got to thinking about a birthday in heaven, he is not limited to a calendar year, he is in eternity; time has no meaning there. If they do celebrate such occasions my guess would be they would celebrate April 9 th , the day he entered the Pearly Gates.               My thoughts carried me further. What does one “do” in heaven? Don was a passionate potter here in the material world but there are no needs for material goods in heaven (are there?). So, what is he doing? I have read many books on near death experiences and I see a common thread, relationships. Souls gravitate to the other souls that knew them on earth. In heaven we will be in even closer relationship with God than we are already. I had always heard that we will sing praises to God when in heaven and

“Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6             I was brought up in a Christian home and went to a parochial school for my elementary education. Many of my best memories revolve around praise music. In our school, it was a privilege to take part in the choirs. We had the cherub choir for the lower grades and the children’s choir for the upper grade. I was also treated to songs from the hymnal at home, especially at bedtime as my sisters would serenade me to sleep, (Three girls in one bedroom). I had a much better grasp of praise music than I did secular music (still true today).             So many of my childhood memories revolve around participating in the choirs. My earliest one was being in the cherub choir; I was probably about seven years old. We were singing at an evening service. The choir always sat in the balcony, this particular evening near the end of service, the power went out in church. A

            Evidently, God is trying to teach me patience. It is not a lesson (or virtue) that comes easily; I suppose if it did, it wouldn’t be a virtue. I feel as though I am in an airplane circling the airport waiting for clearance to land. It is so frustrating, the airport is right there, it is in sight but forces beyond my control won’t let me land and continue on my journey.             This is when faith must do its work. There are great many things out of my control. Yet, when I have faith and use it, I can trust that it is in God’s control, it always has been. Easier said than done, right? When my faith is challenged or shaken I can go one of two ways. I can cling tighter to God, spend more time in prayer and in his word (choose this one). Or, I can listen to the taunts and lies of Satan telling me that God doesn’t care or that I have disappointed God with my lack of faith so I must not really be God’s child (um, no).             I once heard that Satan attacks those

            I am surrounded by some pretty incredible people. My daughters, family and friends, everyone is praying for me; even people who don’t know me. I was contemplating this and feeling so very loved; you know that warm, joyful and content feeling that washes over you when you feel loved. It occurs to me that when we feel that way we are getting a glimpse of heaven. We all know that God IS love and in heaven we will be in his physical presence. We will be awash in that feeling but it won’t be temporary, it will be eternal. Can you stand it?             Imagine living without pity parties, without grumbling, without anger. Some people actually seem to enjoy being in a bad mood, how will they take heaven? When we take the time to love people like this, we take the opportunity to be God’s messengers and we give them a glimpse of heaven. Those who appear the most unlovable are the ones who need love the most.            God loves us so that we can spread it around and he ble

            In my devotion this morning I read, “Fear: False evidence appearing real.” It is so true. When I consider the different fears I have had; relatively few of them ever came to fruition. What are your fears? Perhaps it is a fear of not being good enough or the fear of being alone, maybe the fear of not being loved. God has already conquered these for you, we have forgiveness, he is our constant companion and he loves us dearly. I can hear the “yeah, but” already, I’ve said ‘yeah but’ myself. I agree, when one is lonely, it is difficult to hug the Holy Spirit. Yet, the Holy Spirit is indeed our comforter and when we hold fast to him, we can overcome those feelings and be confident and content. This week, due to the outpouring of God’s love in tangible ways (God’s love is always there, we just don’t always recognize it) I am feeling pretty fearless. If only I could bottle this feeling and hang onto it for later when I face other fears that may crop up in my life. While I