The Meandering Mind of a Christian Woman

            One of the largest battles in my life has been overcoming invisibility. As the baby of six kids in a turbulent family I struggled to feel like I had been seen. This battle continues today; the need to be seen and recognized is a basic need for me. There were times in my life I didn’t want to be seen; walking through the halls in high school where the bullies stood, anytime my dad was in a drunken rage, when my clothing was ill fitting, when I didn’t know an answer to the question and similar circumstances. But in general, I want people to notice me, to call me by name and smile.             Fast forward to adulthood; I marry a guy who is larger than life and loved by just about everyone he ever met. I loved him too. But I also knew his foibles, this paragon of virtue wasn’t as solid as everyone believed. We worked well together, and I wholeheartedly supported his dreams and came alongside him in many if not most activities. Yet, when the end product was produced, I was

            We live in a culture that looks down on weakness, we give it a connotation of shame. Yet, I ask you; what is so wrong about weakness? It is in weakness that relationship with God and others is forged into a stronger bond than was before. The one who is bold enough to share a weakness really isn’t weak at all. That person is baring his soul, reaching out and asking for help, requesting the presence of another to get through a situation. In today's culture, that takes guts all on its own. Growth happens in weakness too; we don’t stay weak. The word picture that comes to mind is a line of people climbing a mountain; the strongest person leads and reaches back to pull the next person up who in turn pulls the one behind him up and so it goes. Everyone reaches the top with the help of the one who went before him. Everyone is successful because of the relationship to each other.             I have had plenty of times of weakness in my life and I can honestly say that ask

            How many times have you said the Lord’s prayer in your life? Maybe you never have or maybe your number is in the tens of thousands. There is a portion of the prayer that says; “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” This portion has given me pause for thought a number of times.   Are we saying; forgive my sins and I do forgive those who have sinned against me? OR are we saying forgive me like I forgive others? Because if it’s the latter, I think I might be in trouble. There are times I really struggle to forgive others, they hurt me pretty badly.             How do I know when I have honestly forgiven another? I say I forgive you and I try to move on. But if something comes up that reminds me of those hurts, I can get myself worked up all over again, do you do that too? I’m sure I have hurt God badly, especially when I return to my sin and repeat it. Shouldn’t forgiveness, real forgiveness, free me from that pain and anger? I was bulli

I am a new creation in Christ. When life starts bugging me and it feels futile; I repeat that phrase to myself. Any moment we breathe can be a moment for change, a moment for a new beginning. I am continually waiting in expectation for those moments; they frequently give me a thrill. They also frequently slip past me unnoticed. We had a rainstorm this afternoon and the rain was pounding hard against my patio doors but on the other side of the rain the sun was shining brightly, no clouds in my line of vision. It is an unusual sight, at least in Northern Illinois. I was fascinated by it, but God wasn’t done yet. A while later after the rain ceased, I looked out those doors and noticed that my little deck was bathed in a glow of golden orange light. I stepped outside to explore the origin of the glow. The sun was setting off to my right and in the sky to my left was a bank of fluffy clouds that were aglow with that golden orange light. I attempted to capture the moment with pictures